What If Everybody in My Life Was Replaced with SnK Characters?
by alicantetimelord
Summary: So I saw a prompt on tumblr and I was like, why the hell not? So this is my life if- well you can read the title. This is essentially my little pocket of happiness: that means all my ships and headcannons and if you can't deal, sorry. Rated T for language and mild content. Well, mild for me. Just don't show this to your 8 year old sibling.
1. Weird Shit is Happening

It began as such an ordinary day…

(Yes, you can kill me now for the most cliché beginning in the history of literature but fuck you I can do what I want.)

I woke up – obviously. What was I going to do? _Sleep _forever? Nah, that's not logical. I brushed my teeth, ate breakfast like I normally do. After that I went back to my room and started reading some fanfic. Just my standard morning routine for the weekends.

Have I bored you to death yet? Well, just hand on a bit longer. I'm getting to the good shit in a second. Jesus! Kids these days have no patients, I swear…. Never mind…. I'm 14…. Whatever. I don't have to explain myself to you!

Anyway, I was just reading a fanfic; laughing at the jokes, squealing and rolling around on my bed at the fluffy parts, dry heaving trying to not cry during the sad parts (No, I so did not cry, _for your information!_)…. Reading *cough*the smut*cough*… No comment.

So, I wake up pretty late compared to the rest of my family, so my parents don't usually check to see if I'm dead until around noon. So it was really weird when I had been left alone all this time and it was already two in the afternoon. I hadn't heard anything. All day. I have two younger brothers. I'm never left alone for this long.

Oh my God! _Had they been murdered?! _

Well, Julia – that's my name, just like, by the way – I guess you have to leave Eren and Levi (fanfiction) and go check around your house. Y'know, to make sure homicide hadn't been committed inside your home. 'Cause that's what matters. Whether or not it happened inside your house. I don't give a fuck if a homicide happened on the road outside. Because that's not fucked up.

Where was I again? Oh, right: checking my house for a homicide.

Moving on… I grabbed the Nerf sword I stole from my brothers a few weeks ago and started tip-toeing around my house like a mother-fucking spy. Living room? No.

Kitchen? Nope.

The other bedrooms? Nada.

I guess I'll check the upstairs…. *cue ominous music they play in crappy horror movies*

I take a step up the stairs. _Creeeeak._ Are you fucking kidding me?

Fucking creaky stairs. Are you trying to make this a creepy as possible?

Anyway, I reach the top of the landing. For those of you who haven't been in my house, (hopefully that's all of you, you creepy stalkers!) There is a door separating the top floor from the rest of my house. I kinda stare at that door for a while.

I can hear somebody/thing rustling on the other side. And it's starting to scare me. Go on Julia. Open the door, do it.

Okay, I grab the handle. And turn it a quietly as humanly possible. I open the door.

There's some guy on his hands and knees, butt in the air, looking through our video games. Damn. Nice ass.

Wait. Focus. There is some random guy in your house. He's not either of my brothers; he too old for that. My brothers are both around ten, and this guy looks like he's in his mid-twenties. And there's no way my dad would let his pants sag that much.

But that weird two-toned undercut does look familiar. But where do I know it from?!

Suddenly weird hair guy gets up. It surprised me, so I made this peculiar "eep" noise.

Weird hair guy jumps and turns to look at me, "Jesus fucking Christ!"

Hold on a second. Now that I can see his face, I _know _that I know who he is! But who do I know that has an _undercut_? Or for that matter, who do I know in real life that is in their twenties?

Wait.

No.

He looks exactly like-

"Jean?"


	2. I am A Freakingg Baby

He looks exactly like-

"Jean?"

"Fuck, Julia," possibly-most-likely-jean-somehow swore. "You can't sneak up on people like that!"

"Sorry…" I said. Maybe he didn't hear me when I said his name, "Jean Kerstchine…"

"Uh, Julia," now-most-definitely-Jean said, his voice wavering, "are you okay? You look like you've seen a ghost."

Jean walked over to the doorway, where I was still standing. I probably looked like a fucking idiot, just standing there staring.

But HOLY SHIT! Jean is supposed to be a fictional character! What the hell is he doing in my house?! Is this some kind of extreme cosplayer, who like snuck into my house, or something? But why would he do that?!

I couldn't do this. "Jean" was still coming towards me. He looked really concerned, for some reason. God, I can't do this. I backed up against the wall, and slid down on it like they do in movies. (If you can't tell, I'm cliché as fuck.)

Oh my god, what was happening? I don't know. I don't know! I mean, it's not like I hate that Jean seems to have replaced my family. To be honest, I quite like it. But the thing is: IT SHOULDN'T BE POSSIBLE!

Okay, Julia. Calm. Calm.

Remember fanfiction. In reincarnation AUs, the characters never lost it like this. Act like the fanfiction characters. Except, don't fuck Jean. Because you are 14. You shouldn't be fucking anyone.

Jean bends down next to me, and tilts my head up. He kisses my forehead.

"You're kinda warm," he mutters. "Maybe you have a fever."

Okay Julia, remember, we're just gonna go a long with this.

"No, no, Jean!" I say frantically, shaking my head. He still looks concerned. Damn. He was cute. (Yeah, that's right. I, the 14 year old, called the 20 something year old guy cute. Fanfics have ruined me, I swear.)

Wait.

No.

If he's in your house so casual like this, that must mean he lives here. And he obviously isn't in a romantic relationship with you, so you can't call him cute like that.

(Have you noticed, I talk to myself a lot? Yes it's weird. Do I care? Not at all. SO you have to deal.)

"No, Jean," I continue. "I'm fine, I just forgot where I was for a second. You know how it is? That happens to you sometimes doesn't it? Hey, you were getting out a video game! Can I play? I might not know how, but like, you can teach me. I don't know. I don't really like most video games, but I liked that one, so – "

"Julia, Julia," Jean near shouted. Great now I was getting Jean all worried to. Damn, I really suck at this. "Calm down! You're sure you're alright?"

"Yeah," I reply, this time, a little more steadily, "Jean. I'm 100% okay. I'm sorry for worrying you."

"No. Don't be. It's just…" Jean took a deep breath, but didn't contimue. Dammit, I needed him to continue. I know nothing abou this world, and I need Jean to tell me, without like giving everey theing away.

"Anyway, Marco'll be home soon. He went to see Gina. Which you would know if you came out of your room today," Jean said. Fixing me with a harsh stare for a while before breaking down, laughing and rumpling my hair.

"I'm just teasing, Princess."

I smiled. Princess. I like that. Obviously it was his nickname for me. What the hell did I do to deserve that nickname? (Also. Not really focusing on this right now, but HOLY SHIT YES! MY OTP IS VERY MUCH LIKELY TOGETHER IN THIS WORLD! YES!)

"Anyway, you know" actually I don't, but please continue anyway "Marco is always upset when he gets back from the hospital" this Gina person must be in the hospital. I wonder who she is to Marco "so what do ya say, we bake him some off your chocolate chip cookie dough?"

Cookie dough?

"Hell yeah!"

"While we're at it," Jean says "We should get started on the pizza for when the gang comes over."

"Okay," I agree, 'cause this is kinda like improv, and you never say no in improv.

And so we bake. (Author's Aside: I have no fucking clue how you make any of this stuff, since I want it to be homemade, and not just like out of the box shit. So… Insert here long domestic scene with me and Jean flicking flour at each other while I contemplate even more how the fuck any of this is possible. [You can read this as: the author is extremely lazy and just wanted to get to the part where more characters are introduced.])


	3. Marco

"Jean! Julia!" A voice calls through the house.

Me and Jean are upstairs on the couch playing Mario Kart, because that's the only game I actually like to play. Despite the fact that I come in dead last every single time. Plus, I haven't for real played with Jean before, but he seems to be a good sport. Well, around me. If previously read fics have any plausibility to them, Jean is probably one of those people who throws the controller.

"We're up here, sweetheart!" Jean calls back.

I'm pretty intend on the game, do I kind of ignore this interaction. I also don't hear the footsteps coming up the stairs, so I'm pretty surprised when the door opens and in comes who I can only presume is Marco.

"Ah!" I shout out of shock, "Freckled Jesus!"

Oh, lord, does Jean start cracking up when he hears that.

"Hello to you too," Marco replies and smiles at me before walking up behind his boyfriend (?) and whispers in Jean's ear, "Thanks for getting her to call me that."

Jean just laughs even harder, but his laughs are cut off as Marco brings his lips to Jean's, effectively shutting him up.

I'm pretty sure, since I was in the room, it was only supposed to be a quick peck on the lips, but it soon became clear that the boyfriends would be occupied for a while.

Damn, this was my OTP making out in front of me. I didn't want to be that creepy kid that watched them as they made out – who am I kidding, I so wanted to be that creepy kid that watched them as they made out – but I figured, they were expecting me to leave. So I did. Very, _very, __**very**_ reluctantly.

That didn't stop me from listening at the door. (Oh, don't give me that look. Can you tell me honestly you wouldn't be doing the same thing? That's what I though.)

Well, I can say one thing about my guardians(?). They are fucking loud. I mean, I don't even think they were doing anything that sexual, before Jean was moaning Marco's name. God, I could hear the chairs getting knocked down. From the sound of it, Jean and Marco were on the carpet.

I hoped they stopped soon, it would be a real pain in the ass to try and wash jizz out of the carpet. (Yes. I just said that.)

Never mind. This was too much. Plus Jean and Marco, probably wanted their privacy.

Whatever, I guess I'll go read some fanfics, since I have the free time. I walk back down the stairs right as Jean starts screaming out Marco's. Oh my God. It took nearly all my will power not to turn around, but I kept going.

Y'know, now that I think about it, isn't a little weird that Jean and Marco don't try to hide their sex lives from the fourteen year old? Or not even hiding it, but at least making sure she was out of the room before they *cough cough* started?

Is that how it works in other households? Maybe my family is just really conservative.

Oh, and just so we're clear, I'm not really complaining, I'm just perplexed.

Anyway… I head back to my room, and I get this weird feeling, like something's missing in my room, but I don't really pay attention to it, and just pick up my IPhone (Thor case, it's really cute by the way) so I can start reading that Ereri fic where I left off earlier today. But it's not coming up in IBooks. (Clarification: I download fics from Ao3, and you can open those is IBooks. It's actually really helpful, and I don't have to use up data when I read fics when I don't have wifi.) All I see is a blank white screen. I tap the library button.

Fuck. It seems as though all the SnK fics I had had saved had gotten deleted. All that was in my library were a few Merthur and Jasperico fics from a long time ago, that I hadn't gotten around to deleting yet. (And of course, the actual books I had bought off the IBooks store.)

I guess it wasn't that big of a deal; all of the ones I really like, or was still reading, I knew the titles to. (Yeah. That's what I devote my memory to. No wonder I nearly failed math.) It was just going to be a pain having to go on Ao3 and find all of them again.

Wait.

What am I talking about? I have them bookmarked. God, Julia, you are such an idiot.

I open Ao3 on safari, and check the bookmarks page.(Still on my phone, just so you know. I feel the need to explain that I don't have my own computer, so a majority of what I do is on my phone.)

One Drarry fic. What the fuck? Where did all the other fics go?

I look around my room increadoulsly. And that's when I notice why my room seemed a little off. You see, I keep all my mangas, anime, etc. in my room on this shelf.

I have nearly every volume of Snk, and I also bought the dvds, because we had a car trip, and I wanted to watch it on while in the car. But on my shelf, there is a massive gap, right where my Attack on Titan stuff had been. (Damn, that stuff had been expensive, at least, it had been for a 14 year old who didn't have an allowance.)

And then, on my walls. I don't have too many posters on my wall, but I did have two Attack on Titan ones. And guess what? Oh, I bet you'll never get it.

They were missing.

Time to check the closet to see if the SnK hoodie I had just gotten a few months ago was still there.

Of course it wasn't.

It seems as though everything in my life that was Attack on Titan related in my life had disappeared, and in their place, I had gotten the actual characters.

Wow.

My life is fucking awesome. I have got to tell Brooklyn about this. Chances are, she will completely freak, even though, she only go through episode seven of AoT.

I reach for my phone, and dial her number. I don't even bother checking my contacts, I know her number, and don't want to waste time looking for it in my contacts, when it's faster to dial it by hand.

It connects after only two rings, which is unusual for Brooklyn, but whatever.

"Julia," a voice on the other line says, "Is something wrong? We're still on for dinner at your house tonight, right? Nothing bad came up with Gina, right?"

Oh, shit. That wasn't Brooklyn. God! I AM SUCH A FUCKING IDIOT! Of course, If people in my life are being replaced with fictional characters, why would some people stay the same? Especially someone close to me?

I kinda want to know who replaced Brooklyn in my phone, so I go into my contacts, and first thing I notice, none of the names are the same. I have Jean, Marco, Eren, Levi, Mikasa, Armin, Ymir, Christa, and well you get the idea. I look through all of the numbers till I have a match for Brooklyn's number, except, it's not Brooklyn's number anymore. It's Sasha's.

Sasha Springer, to be exact. I guess her and Connie are married. Well, I'll have to wait until this dinner to be for sure.

In the meantime, I guess I'll have to read fics for another fandom. Or I could watch some shows on Netflix. Or I could, like, read _actual _books. Nah.


End file.
